Leaving Him (post 4 of 4)

I woke up today with an overwhelming depressed feeling. Ian noticed it right away, and i even noticed a change in him this morning knowing that he has to take me to the airport in a couple hours. I hate the feeling of having to leave him. Spent the last couple hours with his family and bull shitting with him on the ride to the airport. I totally bawled when i had to leave him and i clung to him soaking up his sent and the way he felt in my arms. Its hard to leave not only my best friend but one of the only men that has always been there for me in my life.

 

Speechless (post 3 of 4)

Being here with him its like i never left. We've both gotten older but nothings changed between us. We still make each other laugh like there is no tomorrow.  I can always completely be myself around him. We dont even have to do anything and were just completely comfortable around each other. There has never been any sort of awkward silence around us. I miss feeling completely and 100% safe. And when im here with him it feels like not only can i be myself but hed do almost anything for me.  If I hadn’t moved back maybe we would be more than friends right now

On My Way / Amongst the Crowd (post 2 of 4)

Finding my gate and sitting down and looking out the huge windows i cant believe that im actually going to see my ian. Im trying not to let little things that people are doing around me get to me. Im trying to be in the most optimistic mood possible even with being so anxious that i havent held solid food down since sunday. And that i am exhausted and its way past my sleep time so now the my body is starting to ache. Its starting to rebel with a headache and is moving into my back and arm. Why did i have to have scoliosis and flippin nerve damage? Ugh! Guess i wont be jumping on ian when i see him. I just hope it doesnt get to the point where i have to ask for a wheelchair. Now that would suck!!! Wish me luck!

I am a nervous wreck flying... completely anxious and out of my mind. My body controls my brain who apparently is already past the point of insanity. So it doesn't help that I am stuck in a tiny ass plane with God knows how many strangers and smells and  my claustrophobia sets in like no other. Im one of those people who you can tell just by looking at them they don't want to be on a plane. And since I haven't seen Ian in over a year my anxiety was at an all time high. As we touched down in Ontario not only was I scared shitless (as i am every time a take off or landing happens) but I started crying because this overwhelming happiness came over me. I just said out loud "Im gonna see my Ian. I'm gonna see my Ian." over and over again until the plane stopped. When I got off the plane i text Ian saying "Im here." and his reply was "So am I." and my heart about leaped out of my chest. Going down the escalators looking for him I started getting worried when I didnt see him. But I happened to look at the right time and there he was, I held back tears as I clung on to him. Knowing that I'd be alright now cuz he was there.

Reunited (post 1 of 4 of Ian)

 

So on one of my many travels and adventures I lived in Seattle Washington for 5ish months. And met some pretty awesome down to earth people. One of them being sizzling hot army Ian. After I left we have always kept in contact with each other. Even though its been over a year since I've last seen him the memories of the weekends we'd spend together are still in the front of my mind as if they happened yesterday. He came back from Afghanistan a couple months ago and we both agreed that it had been way too long since we have seen each other. The original plan was that I was going to go to Washington, but things ended up happening financially to where I wasn't able to take that trip. So when he put in time for his leave he said hey why not come down to southern cali and hang out with me and my family. Now thats a HUGE deal in my eyes. And of course I accepted. Got the time off from work and am flying down there to see him Tuesday morning. I am nervous as all get out because its been so long since I've seen him. And when we hang out its always been on a one on one basis. So its going to be kinda weird for me to have his family around, not that I dont have manners but if I say something to Ian that he knows the background of and his family doesnt it could be taken the wrong way kinda thing. Even writing this my hands are shaky lol. I just dont want him spending all that money on my ticket for nothing. ((Yes he paid 338.50 for me to see him for three days)) Only time will tell if hes gonna be the same Ian that snuck me into the barracks at ft lewis. Regardless, he will and always be one of my best guy friends. I heart you Ian! 

Two for one Deal

One thing people should know about me is, if i am not constantly reminded of some things I will completely forget. So when I tell someone I seriously don't remember something its because I honestly do not remember to save my life! So earlier today I got a text from a guy that I had talked to months ago, but I deleted his number... and I kind of had an idea on who it was but I wasn't sure so I didn't say anything. He wanted to meet up and I told him I was doing laundry at the place down the street from my house and he could meet me there. And he did, and I remembered why I deleted his number... it was because on our first date he tried to do a home run all in the span of a half an hour. And I'm sorry, but I'm no whore. When his breathing got elevated I stopped him and left and I remember blocking him from the dating site we had started talking from. The only thing is I deleted and re did my profile not that long ago and therefore lost all the blocks of people I had put up for various reasons. And so when he walked into the laundromat I remembered who he was... but for the life of me I couldn't tell you his name. We kinda talked while i started doing my laundry and he asked if i was free tomorrow I said I was and he said how he wanted to go out with me and I just told him that I would text him. (which of course I don't really plan to) 

As for later tonight, Chris, a guy, that I had went on a date with last week asked me out again tonight. He lives on the other side of town and I didn't want him staying on my side of town just to wait around till I was done with my errands so I told him that Id be willing to drive to his place. I got lost finding his house and had to call and figure out exactly where I was. We ended up going to save-mart and we made a home cooked of stuffed shells and Texas toast, at his house and watched Prince of Persia. I know its not that great of a meal but when a girl lives out of a garage apartment without a stove that's like fillet minion to me haha. He was a perfect gentleman and it was nice for a change not to get a man who tries to jump my bones the second he gets me out of the public eye. He told me that he didn't want me to leave but he gets up at five to go to work and I know that he would regret it in the morning if I stayed any longer than I already had, since I kept him up two hours past the normal time he went to bed. I like Chris, but time will tell if anything is really there.

Another late night...

... or should I say early morning of no sleep. Earlier tonight ( or should I say yesterday ) I went to Redbox and rented Julie & Julia. I kinda started to fall back asleep and then I thought of this kinda interesting idea. Instead of cooking my way thru a cookbook, (not that i don't love cooking, its just hard without a stove) I would post every time I went out on a date, where we went, what we did (the non nasty stuff), etc. My friends know that I date pretty frequently anyways, and I'm on a million of those dating sites. So this will be a good way to track what kind of men I attract and choose to keep around. Here goes nothing!

This first link is the actual Julie & Julia blog from the movie

http://blogs.salon.com/0001399/

The second one is if for some reason you have never heard of, or seen this movie

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julie_%26_Julia