If you stumble across this page, 

somewhere in the big world wide web 

I have moved my dating journal 

the new link is www.findingmrforever.wordpress.com 

However it is always good to read up (if you like)

Always remember, if you dont think anyone loves you, i do. 

6 months

This was us the night of his going away party at our bar

 about three months ago. =/

Were almost at the 6 months mark and it honestly feels

like I've been with Michael for 6 years!!!

 We have gone thru so much in such a short period of time its mind boggling.

We might not have it all together,

but together we have it all.

<3

So of course me being the chick and the lover of photography that I am I just HAVE to document the time me and my honey spend together before he leaves on deployment!! Here's a glimpse at the AWESOME man I am blessed to have in my life =] 

One month anniversary with friends

@ Star Lake

Me singing karaoke for the first time @ his birthday party

(still cant believe I did that sober!!!)

Us asleep at his sisters 

(she very slyly took this pic lmao)

One Month

So it's almost been a month since Micheal and I have been together, we have had a couple of fights here and there nothing two big but we have noticed things that we both need to work on. Im soooo in love with this man, Id do almost anything to make him happy. It just sucks because he deploys in June so after month number two he will be in Korea for a year. I know every day Im gonna be on my knees praying for this.

This time I think I found the ONE!

Still S-I-N-G-L-E

Things with Mark didn't turn out to last very long. I haven't updated this in forever! But the search is still on for my knight in shining armor.

new year, new jobs, new relationship. GOD IS AWESOME

Just because I can and I will. This is my new honey! (below)<3 I snapped this on our first date the other day! =] (He was pretending he was in England. lol. Too bad only the phone book was left in there, but he improvised.) I promise to take one of us together on our next date... =]

For all the real men out there, some advice

So for the stand-up men out there that I have come to know and love, here is some advice for chatting up that potential woman:
THE APPROACH:

1. Approach. Before working on how to approach, you must first start the approach. If you don’t have the confidence to come to me, I’m not going to waste my time going to you. Yes, I noticed you staring at me from the door; I’m just choosing to ignore you till you get some balls.
2. Have confidence, not ego. Approach with a smile, head held high, and a willing hand shake. But do not approach with all of your successes and greatness on your lips.

THE CONVERSATION:

1. Have a conversation ready. Do not come up to me, introduce yourself, and then expect me to fall head over heels that instant. Be ready to talk and not stand with an awkward grin.
2. A conversation takes two. Do not come up to me and leap into your newest start-up idea, a great technology you developed, or the tech gossip of the minute. If my responses are fewer than 4 words, I either don’t care or you aren’t letting me speak. I might as well just read your blog and leave you talking to the wall.
3. Have a question ready. This falls in line with #1 and 2. (“How are you?” doesn’t count). We have Facebook now; do some stalking, and at least pretend you have an interest in my life and want to engage in more than physical intercourse with me.
4. Don’t push too hard. Make me want more. If you hang around me for more than 20 minutes at a mixer, our conversation better be damned good. Otherwise, end it BEFORE it winds down and gets dull. “Oh, I’m sorry. My friend just got here. Let’s catch up later (hand me your card).” If, up until this point, things were going well, I will get back to you.
5. A Card is not a Call To Action. I take back the “(hand me your card)”, above. Think back to design school: have a Call to Action. As you are leaving, let me know “It’s been great talking to you. Do you have a card? I’d love to catch up more later, ideally somewhere quieter.” If she says no, give her yours, but make it clear you are honestly interested in talking. On the same note, if I just hand you my card, thank you, and walk away, it does not always mean I am interested. Don’t give up, but don’t get your hopes too high.

FOLLOW-UP

1. Email first. Some girls will disagree with me here, but I hate when a guy calls me out of the blue. I may not remember who you are, where I know you, or why you are calling; and your phone call just makes it uncomfortable. I prefer getting an email or gchat first, and then taking it to the phone.
2. A date is NOT a business meeting. Don’t trick me; be clear so I know what I am getting into. I HATE when men ask if we can get dinner to discuss business. Occasionally, people DO want to meet with me to talk business (surprise, surprise). It’s one thing to say “I’d like to take you out to dinner. I’m interested in learning more about what you do.” – That’s clearly a pick-up, thank you. It’s another to say “I’d love to chat with you about a business venture I have. Free for dinner next week?” – Ambiguity sucks.
3. Dinner is a date. Lunch is a meeting*. Weekends are always dates. This is good to know whenever you are asking to take a woman out. Be honest about what you want and pick an appropriate time. (*If you have made it clear this is NOT a meeting, than know that Lunch is casual)
4. Don’t get let down. You will get rejected, politely turned down, snubbed, ignored, etc. But if you stay positive, hopeful, and strong while you are single, you will get dates as well. The worst thing is the smell of desperation, so just relax and have a good time.

Road-Trip

So I moved to Seattle, yeup just picked up and moved (thats just how i roll) so Im taking care of me for once. <3

Open hearts, open eyes

I feel like I have grown up a lot in the past three years. Even with all the negativity, the sadness, the pain. I have learned so much about myself. After moving back to my home-town after I swore up and down that I never would return I did. Not only did I move back but I actually stuck around a LOT longer than I or anyone else ever expected. I learned that I would be a great mother, (even tho others have told me that for years, its different when you see it for yourself) I know what its like to have NOTHING, go to bed hungry, and live out of my car. I know what its like to loose the love of your life, to be truly alone. Its always and adventure. And now something else that I have surprised myself of a change that I have let happen. I went on a date with a black man, and to you reading its like uh... okay.. but two years ago when I lived in Yosemite National Park I was raped and after that I have been terrified of all black men. And Tuesday not only did I go out on a date but I let him hug and kiss me. And that's a monumental thing. I never ever would have thought that I would let that happen. But I am glad that my fears have come to a point that I am open and trusting of black men again I know that Im not cured completely after one date but everything takes time.

Dennys with Devin's wannabe twin

One of the last people I met on one of my dating sites is Craig. From the beginning he reminded me of one of my ex-boyfriends in high school Devin. His choice of words, how he responded to things I'd say all reminded me of Devin. He wouldn't show me a picture of him, and I even Facebooked him and he didn't have a picture of himself as his picture and his account was private. So that kind of fueled my thought process even more that it was actually my ex under a fake name. (which is sadly something Devin would do so its not incredibly far fetched)  So when I walked into Denny's not knowing what I got myself into and the first I see of him is long legs. And then i walk thru the door and my first reaction to him is "OMG he could almost be Devin's twin" They are both geeky,  wear glasses, incredibly tall, and choose their words wisely. There were slight awkward silences between us. Mostly because I honestly felt like I was on a date with my ex. So therefore, I didnt feel the need to ask him any questions because Devin knows a lot about me. But I had to keep reminding myself that no... its not Devin... its Craig. But even then, I couldn't get over it. We sat and talked long after we were done eating. ( I should say HE talked I LISTENED lol) The silences were becoming more frequent so I told him that I was getting tired  and excused himself to go and pay the check... which i thought was interesting... He told me to wait at the table while he went and paid the tab, and then walked back and we left. I have never had a guy do that... his reasoning behind it... WHO KNOWS. lol. He kinda walked me to my car... wait thats a lie... we walked towards HIS car which was.... kinda... sorta... parked near mine lol. He gave me a hug... a real hug... that ALSO reminded me of Devin. and then wanted another hug... and then one more hug. Which is also something Devin did. *sigh* Im not gonna lie... I dont know what to do with this one. Its hard to persue something with someone that reminds you of someone's heart you broke back in highschool..... (its one of those if i could take it back i would kinda things... stupid immature childish decisions that forever changes someones life kinda thing) I honestly dont know. HELP?!?!?!

Train Station

Oh the train station, so many past memories that I have yet to let go of. Anyways. I went there because I finally got to meet Terry... he is someone whom I have talked to on and off for about two years. Why we stopped talking neither of us really remember, but we started talking again not to long ago (remember how I said men come in and out of my life without warning... here is another example) When I went to get him from the train station I thought it was on a whole nother street then it actually was... (Ima blonde what can i say?) And when I saw him sitting there waiting for me... I got flashbacks of when I went there to pick up my first fiance Kris sooooo many years ago. It played like a video in my head I had to look away from the tracks and just focus on Terry, he was the whole reason I even drove across town to begin with. We hit it off good, not that I didnt expect that we wouldn't... hes a big guy so I automatically felt safe around him. Hes one of those guys that your not too sure about, he looks sweet, but then his tattoos and piercings make him look intimidating. lol. We drove back to my place and I showered and changed for dinner... (before getting him at the train station I was doing errands for both me and my adopted mom and didnt have any spare min to freshen up) We went out to dinner at this Mexican restaurant that I've been wanting to try. There wasn't that many people in there, and our waitress was kinda rude... we weren't even halfway thru our meal and she brought us the check and then he paid the ticket and then she asked us for boxes... when we were clearly still eating! The food was good, I've had better but Terry liked it and thats all that really mattered (hes a very picky eater) After dinner we walked to the 3 dollar movie theater and got our tickets to see Toy Story 3, but we had to wait until the movie started so he played video games while I cheered him on. The movie was good, and then we came back to my place and talked for awhile and hung out, and eventually passed out. He had to fight with my cats for bed space (my two cats almost always sleep in bed with me) and so he didnt sleep that well. He left for back home earlier this morning, he had to help his mom set up bingo for later tonight. lol. But all in all, I hope I get to see him again. Hes one of the guys I hope is always in my life, even if were not together.

Ditched.

Before I explain the title... here's some happy pictures from the wedding! 

 The Bride and Groom

(now Mr. & Mrs. Eric Fluter)

 

Adam, Eric, Kristina, Becca, and I

(best man, groom, bride, maid of honor, bridesmaid)

Us girls =]

Adam being a pimp, (my adopted dad was making me laugh)

Their pretty Rastafarian cake!

And now to the explanation of the title of this post.....

MY DATE DITCHED ME!!!

Yep, at the end of the night Im not gonna lie, I kinda regretted inviting Brice as my date.... Not because he was rude or mean... i mean he spoon fed my little brother cake (which my brother got all over himself and Brice)... it was just the fact that he didnt know me well enough to be able to handle my family. And now EVERYONE is going to be talking about it at work, and now hes all awkward around me. The reason i said its going to be all around work is because they forgot a knife to cut the cake so my dad gave my date twenty bucks to run into our work to get a knife... and he asked me to go with him and i said sure why not... and a couple of our co-workers stopped and talked to us there for gossip will be spreading like wild fire. *eye roll*... And of course i most likely wont hear about any of it, so it will be completely out of my hands... oh well. The ceremony was beautiful even tho it took awhile to start... my date met my fam and hung out and was very nice and respectful. We were going to go back to my moms for the reception and before it even started he said he needed to leave and i dont know if it was because my adopted brother smokes pot that freaked him out or my mom being kinda rude and saying things she shouldnt have (not towards him but towards others) that made him want to leave... or all of the above lol. I give up. Thats all Im going to say..  

Pure Insanity.

No, I am not randomly getting married or eloping. HA! But my adopted brother is...tomorrow. Ugh.They planned a wedding in TWO WEEKS. All to get married on 10-10-10. Seriously people? OMG! Everyone is going crazy, my adopted mom, his fiance/baby mama... its just WOW! I didn't know until LATE tonight whether or not I was allowed to bring a date. YEP... TONIGHT! (Thats just a glance at how crazy it is!) I sent out a mass text to EVERYONE in my contacts. I thought, hey... I can get a date pretty easily (for the most part, and no im not trying to gloat or anything of the sort) But however... EVERYONE but ONE person was busy, or already doing something. Guess who that one person is? One of my kinda supervisors at work... who I just happen to have HAD a crush on when I first started working there. He only got my number because he synced his phone with his facebook friends... and then text me by accident one night thinking I was a different Liz. lol. I thought cant hurt to ask right? If i got turned down it wouldn't matter any. But no, he was the only one that said he could/would go. If this was a normal wedding I dont think I would be as stressed out as I am right now. But no, its a Rastafarian theme. (if you dont know what that is its the whole Jamaican, Bob Marley, pot leaf thing) This is definitely going to be some kind of adventure tomorrow. PRAY FOR ME!

Wedding Crashers (yet another movie night)

One thing, that NEVER fails. Is when I least expect it, totally and completely out of the blue. Guys that I have talked to in the past, randomly text and/or call me. It happens so frequently in fact that there is almost no use for me to clean out my contacts every so often, because about half of them will re-announce their presence at some point in time. Like last night. I get a text from Jeremy (first time we've talked since July-ish supposedly ). After he sent me a picture I remembered who he was, but I don't remember what site we met off of. (that's what I get for having 5+ dating sites at one point, I'm only down to two now! =] ) He wanted me to come over for a movie, and snuggles. (Not gonna lie it was a nice change for a guy to say he wanted snuggles instead of me asking them) I had worked earlier that night, and had just left my moms, where you can cut the tension over there with a flippin knife because my brother is getting married tomorrow so everyone is fighting, arguing, etc. Ive just tried to help my mom out and pretty much stay out of it as best as I can. Wasn't my choice to try and plan a wedding in two weeks... YES TWO WEEKS. Anyways... so I did go over to Jeremy's after being around all that negativity a strong guy holding you is a good way to relax before bed. And, he lived like around the corner from my house, which was also a plus, and the other reason I went over. We watched wedding crashers, which i thought was in good theme since tomorrow is the wedding and all. lol. Jeremy (towards the end) kept falling asleep on me. (Which was cute) And could barely keep his eyes open, he told me I could stay over but I declined. I got him to walk me to the door and then I sent him back to bed. Im not going to put all my eggs in one basket, or even hope for anything... just gonna let everything fall where it may.

Avoidance

I have come to realize that in my dating, and what men I choose to surround myself with that I have some biased choices. All of my serious relationships have been with white men. I have went on dates with men of different races, but for one reason or another it didnt go past one or more dates. I recently went out on two dates with an Egyptian man. But do you know long it took him to get me out to even meet him? MONTHS. For some reason or another weve always talked on and off. And we would make plans and I would HONESTLY forget I was suppose to go out and meet him for whatever we decided on. But always I was suppose to contact him because I worked late, or had something to do, etc. I honestly dont know how many dates we were suppose to go on. And I thought it was hilarious because the one time I take a cashier shift at work HE shows up in my line. It took me a second to recognize him, but after I did I felt extremely guilty. EXTREMELY. Even then, when he left and said "text me" I had to make an excuse to get his number again. Some might say shes simply not interested, or Im being racist or mean. I honestly never felt this great connection with him. But my guilt got the best of me and I went over to his apartment and hung out with him and watched Prince of Persia. We didn't talk much, just kinda sat there. I honestly didnt have much to say to him. And for some reason or another he convinced me to come back the next night for dinner and another movie. I was watching him cook me dinner the second night, and i mean really cooking (hey not many men know how to make THEIR OWN salad dressing. Now that impressed me. ) Regardless there still wasnt much conversation. He gives good hugs, and helped momentarily with my loneliness.It honestly was nice to be held for once.(no sex happened just cuddled while watching the movie) Nothing is really there. But now I can at least say I tried.

Grown Ups

So  I've deleted most of my online dating profiles with the exception of two... even tho I'm sure I'll delete those two eventually too, its a slow letting go process since I've been online dating since 17, and I'm just use to them being there. So I went out to the movies with this guy Joseph to see Grown Ups at the three dollar theater. It was a movie that I've never seen, and he's been wanting to see so I didn't care that he took me out to the cheap movie theater  in town for our first date. This was his first date in 6 years so he was completely respectful and didn't do any of the sly moves most guys try to do at movies. It was kinda refreshing, but weird for me at the same time. I feel love through touch, so if your not reaching out to touch me I feel like you don't like me or care about me (weird i know). And this was my first date since I've got back from my vacation with Ian and I'm not gonna lie Ive been feeling vulnerable and really lonely. So I kinda needed him to reach out to me, but I understand why he didn't. The movie was alright, I think Adam Sandler has done better movies in the past that were more comical than this one.  But all together it was ok... After the movie we just talked by my car for a little bit. He gave me a hug and then we went home and both got on messenger and talked for a little bit. I knew the whole date was really awkward for him, so I didnt try to make it anything that it wasn't. We get a long great, and have the same sence of humor which is good. It will take him a few dates for him to feel comfortable around me. So who knows whats gonna happen with this one.

Leaving Him (post 4 of 4)

I woke up today with an overwhelming depressed feeling. Ian noticed it right away, and i even noticed a change in him this morning knowing that he has to take me to the airport in a couple hours. I hate the feeling of having to leave him. Spent the last couple hours with his family and bull shitting with him on the ride to the airport. I totally bawled when i had to leave him and i clung to him soaking up his sent and the way he felt in my arms. Its hard to leave not only my best friend but one of the only men that has always been there for me in my life.

 

Speechless (post 3 of 4)

Being here with him its like i never left. We've both gotten older but nothings changed between us. We still make each other laugh like there is no tomorrow.  I can always completely be myself around him. We dont even have to do anything and were just completely comfortable around each other. There has never been any sort of awkward silence around us. I miss feeling completely and 100% safe. And when im here with him it feels like not only can i be myself but hed do almost anything for me.  If I hadn’t moved back maybe we would be more than friends right now

On My Way / Amongst the Crowd (post 2 of 4)

Finding my gate and sitting down and looking out the huge windows i cant believe that im actually going to see my ian. Im trying not to let little things that people are doing around me get to me. Im trying to be in the most optimistic mood possible even with being so anxious that i havent held solid food down since sunday. And that i am exhausted and its way past my sleep time so now the my body is starting to ache. Its starting to rebel with a headache and is moving into my back and arm. Why did i have to have scoliosis and flippin nerve damage? Ugh! Guess i wont be jumping on ian when i see him. I just hope it doesnt get to the point where i have to ask for a wheelchair. Now that would suck!!! Wish me luck!

I am a nervous wreck flying... completely anxious and out of my mind. My body controls my brain who apparently is already past the point of insanity. So it doesn't help that I am stuck in a tiny ass plane with God knows how many strangers and smells and  my claustrophobia sets in like no other. Im one of those people who you can tell just by looking at them they don't want to be on a plane. And since I haven't seen Ian in over a year my anxiety was at an all time high. As we touched down in Ontario not only was I scared shitless (as i am every time a take off or landing happens) but I started crying because this overwhelming happiness came over me. I just said out loud "Im gonna see my Ian. I'm gonna see my Ian." over and over again until the plane stopped. When I got off the plane i text Ian saying "Im here." and his reply was "So am I." and my heart about leaped out of my chest. Going down the escalators looking for him I started getting worried when I didnt see him. But I happened to look at the right time and there he was, I held back tears as I clung on to him. Knowing that I'd be alright now cuz he was there.

Reunited (post 1 of 4 of Ian)

 

So on one of my many travels and adventures I lived in Seattle Washington for 5ish months. And met some pretty awesome down to earth people. One of them being sizzling hot army Ian. After I left we have always kept in contact with each other. Even though its been over a year since I've last seen him the memories of the weekends we'd spend together are still in the front of my mind as if they happened yesterday. He came back from Afghanistan a couple months ago and we both agreed that it had been way too long since we have seen each other. The original plan was that I was going to go to Washington, but things ended up happening financially to where I wasn't able to take that trip. So when he put in time for his leave he said hey why not come down to southern cali and hang out with me and my family. Now thats a HUGE deal in my eyes. And of course I accepted. Got the time off from work and am flying down there to see him Tuesday morning. I am nervous as all get out because its been so long since I've seen him. And when we hang out its always been on a one on one basis. So its going to be kinda weird for me to have his family around, not that I dont have manners but if I say something to Ian that he knows the background of and his family doesnt it could be taken the wrong way kinda thing. Even writing this my hands are shaky lol. I just dont want him spending all that money on my ticket for nothing. ((Yes he paid 338.50 for me to see him for three days)) Only time will tell if hes gonna be the same Ian that snuck me into the barracks at ft lewis. Regardless, he will and always be one of my best guy friends. I heart you Ian! 

Two for one Deal

One thing people should know about me is, if i am not constantly reminded of some things I will completely forget. So when I tell someone I seriously don't remember something its because I honestly do not remember to save my life! So earlier today I got a text from a guy that I had talked to months ago, but I deleted his number... and I kind of had an idea on who it was but I wasn't sure so I didn't say anything. He wanted to meet up and I told him I was doing laundry at the place down the street from my house and he could meet me there. And he did, and I remembered why I deleted his number... it was because on our first date he tried to do a home run all in the span of a half an hour. And I'm sorry, but I'm no whore. When his breathing got elevated I stopped him and left and I remember blocking him from the dating site we had started talking from. The only thing is I deleted and re did my profile not that long ago and therefore lost all the blocks of people I had put up for various reasons. And so when he walked into the laundromat I remembered who he was... but for the life of me I couldn't tell you his name. We kinda talked while i started doing my laundry and he asked if i was free tomorrow I said I was and he said how he wanted to go out with me and I just told him that I would text him. (which of course I don't really plan to) 

As for later tonight, Chris, a guy, that I had went on a date with last week asked me out again tonight. He lives on the other side of town and I didn't want him staying on my side of town just to wait around till I was done with my errands so I told him that Id be willing to drive to his place. I got lost finding his house and had to call and figure out exactly where I was. We ended up going to save-mart and we made a home cooked of stuffed shells and Texas toast, at his house and watched Prince of Persia. I know its not that great of a meal but when a girl lives out of a garage apartment without a stove that's like fillet minion to me haha. He was a perfect gentleman and it was nice for a change not to get a man who tries to jump my bones the second he gets me out of the public eye. He told me that he didn't want me to leave but he gets up at five to go to work and I know that he would regret it in the morning if I stayed any longer than I already had, since I kept him up two hours past the normal time he went to bed. I like Chris, but time will tell if anything is really there.

Another late night...

... or should I say early morning of no sleep. Earlier tonight ( or should I say yesterday ) I went to Redbox and rented Julie & Julia. I kinda started to fall back asleep and then I thought of this kinda interesting idea. Instead of cooking my way thru a cookbook, (not that i don't love cooking, its just hard without a stove) I would post every time I went out on a date, where we went, what we did (the non nasty stuff), etc. My friends know that I date pretty frequently anyways, and I'm on a million of those dating sites. So this will be a good way to track what kind of men I attract and choose to keep around. Here goes nothing!

This first link is the actual Julie & Julia blog from the movie

http://blogs.salon.com/0001399/

The second one is if for some reason you have never heard of, or seen this movie

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julie_%26_Julia