Avoidance

I have come to realize that in my dating, and what men I choose to surround myself with that I have some biased choices. All of my serious relationships have been with white men. I have went on dates with men of different races, but for one reason or another it didnt go past one or more dates. I recently went out on two dates with an Egyptian man. But do you know long it took him to get me out to even meet him? MONTHS. For some reason or another weve always talked on and off. And we would make plans and I would HONESTLY forget I was suppose to go out and meet him for whatever we decided on. But always I was suppose to contact him because I worked late, or had something to do, etc. I honestly dont know how many dates we were suppose to go on. And I thought it was hilarious because the one time I take a cashier shift at work HE shows up in my line. It took me a second to recognize him, but after I did I felt extremely guilty. EXTREMELY. Even then, when he left and said "text me" I had to make an excuse to get his number again. Some might say shes simply not interested, or Im being racist or mean. I honestly never felt this great connection with him. But my guilt got the best of me and I went over to his apartment and hung out with him and watched Prince of Persia. We didn't talk much, just kinda sat there. I honestly didnt have much to say to him. And for some reason or another he convinced me to come back the next night for dinner and another movie. I was watching him cook me dinner the second night, and i mean really cooking (hey not many men know how to make THEIR OWN salad dressing. Now that impressed me. ) Regardless there still wasnt much conversation. He gives good hugs, and helped momentarily with my loneliness.It honestly was nice to be held for once.(no sex happened just cuddled while watching the movie) Nothing is really there. But now I can at least say I tried.